Sunday, June 27, 2010

Two Months

In the past Fred has referred to the avalanche accident anniversary as a second birthday. I don't know if this accident will become a third birthday, but here we are, two months out, we are home, and it feels like a good time to look back and process everything we went through. I gave Fred permission to read the blog today. It will take him awhile to read the whole thing through to the present, but I think it will be good for him to read about the first couple of weeks of which he doesn't have many memories. Now that I'm relaxing into this stage, a lot of emotions are fighting to come up for me. Part of it feels like I am processing all of the scary moments I had to embrace over the last two months, and part of it is feeling so fortunate. A lot happened in the last two months, and there could have been so many worse outcomes. We all survived this, Fred had the physical trauma, and I had the emotional trauma. The insurance company covers his rehab, and they don't take my rehab into account.

For the past two months my life has felt anything but normal. I spent a lot of time just trying to get through each moment, and now I am having a hard time with the transition to us getting back to a normal life. I'm not fighting it or upset that we are here, but I am a little lost. I understand that no one wants or expects us to stay in the place we have been in, but right now it also feels strange to move on with life. I don't feel like I am making a lot of sense right now, probably because I am having a hard time putting into words where I am at. This whole process has been such an unknown as to what the future holds, but the truth is, none of us know what we are waking up to each day of our lives. What an amazing lesson this has been about being in the present moment. My present moment has my daughter wanting to cuddle for one more minute, so goodnight everyone. Thank you for listening!


  1. You make total sense. You've had such a clear purpose over the last couple of months: Get Fred home. Now you're there. And sort of headed into the great unknown knowing that there is still work to be done. You'll figure out what the next thing is. Fred and Kalyn are very lucky people to have you.