I've been going back and forth since my last post on whether or not I would keep blogging. After months of putting everything out there, I needed a little hibernation time. It scared me how much of myself and our experience I exposed to everyone, but in reality, I am an honest person that loves to tell a long drawn out version of a story that could be told in two sentences, so I would have told the same stories to any person who had read what I wrote.
What finally made me decide it was time to decide to break out of hibernation was reading Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. I just finished the book, loved the entire thing, but the final paragraph of the book brought tears to my eyes because it rang so true for my life.
"In the end, though, maybe we must all give up trying to pay back the people in this world who sustain our lives. In the end, maybe it's wiser to surrender before the miraculous scope of human generosity and to just keep saying thank you, forever and sincerely, for as long as we have voices."
Right now, that is me in a nutshell or a paragraph - however you care to look at it.
I have resurfaced, and I am realizing I want to write, no matter how scary it is to think about people reading it.
For a quick update, we are all healthy and doing well. As weird as it may sound, it frightens me how calm and happy our lives are right now. I have my own fears with settling into and accepting the happy, calm times in my life because I've seen the tormenting times a few times. I'm trying to take this time to be aware that I'm feeling centered, peaceful and connected and enjoy it and not go to the fear of whatever is brewing on the horizon. Life is cyclical and has its ups and downs, so I have to enjoy the ups because I have certainly felt the downs.
I don't quite feel like I'm in the eye of a hurricane, but there is a lot going on right outside my little family of three circle in the people that I care about. It feels strange to be happy and healthy in our own little unit and have others close to me going through so much. I mentioned that to my mom the other day and her comment was, "that was everyone else last year about you." My intention is to be present in the calmness in my life right now and send loving, healing thoughts and prayers to the people in my life that I care about.
May we all try to be present in our current moment whether it be calm or traumatic. These are the times I find myself most likely trying to escape but the most beautiful and teaching if I stay.