Friday, July 2, 2010

My Time

I have to confess that I am being more honest about how I am feeling and what I am struggling with on this blog than I am with Fred or anyone else who asks. My excuse is because it is rarely convenient and never fun to go into how I'm really doing unless I've made an hour appointment with a therapist. For the record, I like to process things by myself, so this blog has been my way of processing things by myself but sharing how I am feeling and what we're going through. Fred has started reading the blog, but as far as I know, he only got through about the first week when it was all clinical details. I haven't pushed the subject to find out if he is still reading because I figured he would say something about it if he had kept going. I've spent so much time trying to be strong and not show Fred that I'm struggling when he was in the initial recovery stage when I didn't want him to worry about me, so it makes it hard for me to switch gears and open up to him about what I'm going through which can be summed up as - yea! you are home, but I feel like crap most of the time.

Fred is doing wonderful. I feel like he is changed, but I think there would be something wrong if he came out of this exactly the same. He's been reintegrating himself back into his life at home really well, running into people who haven't seen or talked to him in over 2 months and not pushing himself too hard or trying to do too much. People are amazed and surprised with how well he is doing when they see him and talk to him. He is definitely an outlier in the statistical range of how long it takes to recover from the serious injury he had.

I get a little neurotic about making sure I get the time to sit down and write on the blog because it is the only time I give myself to really check in with the side of myself that wants to spend the day by myself, curled in a ball and crying. I may be grumpy the rest of the day, but I try and function as a wife, mother, friend and also get a little work done. I will promise that I will make a therapy appointment for myself because I obviously need it.


  1. Hi Jenna,

    Your blog therapy is actually good. Many things that you write about are normal for now. Fortunately things do get better and "now" will become "back then".

    You have done so many things right. That counts.

    Fred's progress is incredible. You two are a great team!

    Heidi from the Texas branch.

  2. Was going to suggest you see a therapist. Do you have someone who can recommend a good one? I think you yourself provided therapy for us with this blog.
    Take care of yourself.
    Love you.
    Christl and Val

  3. Your honesty is amazing. We all need a little therapy, so the fact that you would seek it after this kind of trauma is completely expected. I like what your friend Heidi said above....that "now" will become "back then." That sort of reminds me of the craziness when my boys were first born, and I thought I was feeling pretty good, until 6 months later I looked back at the first few months and realized what a mess I had been...and my brain just helped me keep going throught it. Wife, mother, friend, employee...aren't women amazing? Maybe it's time for anothre massage!