Sunday, July 4, 2010
I read something today that said to recognize one's own insanity is the arising of sanity and the beginning of healing. If that is true, I don't feel so down about where I'm at right now. Before I read that today, I had already decided to set my intentions on healing and moving forward with life. This morning Kalyn woke up early, but she still wasn't feeling 100%. This was obvious to me when she crawled into my lap on the couch and fell asleep in my arms. She hasn't done that in so long, and it forced me to sit on the couch and be quiet and do nothing. It was a beautiful gift she gave to me today. I have always loved holding a sleeping baby, but it is a rare gift to hold our busy little girl that is turning 3 on Wednesday while she sleeps. The three of us are similar in the sense that it is hard for any of us to sit still and do nothing. I'm happy that we are busy, active people, but right now we seem to be in a space of learning to sit and do nothing. The evening of the accident when we were on the plane to Denver was an amazing lesson to me. Fred was in the back of the plane with two nurses attending to him, the pilot was flying the plane, and I was sitting copilot. I had gotten a hold of Fred's Dad and a coworker of Fred's that is a close friend of mine while we were still in Durango. I had spoken with so few people by the time I got on the plane, but it was an amazingly spiritual experience for me on the flight to Denver. There was nothing I could do but sit there. The whole flight up there I didn't cry, and I didn't think about the future and what might be wrong. I stayed positive, sent Fred healing thoughts and messages to stay with me. I had no idea at that time how quickly word had spread about Fred's accident from all of the people he knows, but I could honestly feel the positive thoughts, prayers and healing energy being sent our way. I have always had my own personal definition of spirituality, but for me, when there is a ray of sun shining down through a cloudy sky, it feels very spiritual and profound to me, and I gather a lot of strength from those moments. The majority of the flight to Denver, there was a ray of sun peeking through the clouds and shining down on the earth that moved along next to us as we traveled north. I don't wish this experience on anyone, but the lessons, blessings and closeness I feel to those that I love is amazing. Thank you for being a part of this journey with me.