Fred went back to work, part time, on Monday, and it feels so good to have a return to regular life. At the same time, it feels scary for me to return to normal life. I feel vulnerable and exposed with a return to normal. It feels like I open myself back up to more catastrophe. I know waking up and walking down the street everyday opens yourself up to something going wrong, but sometimes the good times scare me because I know it won't last and I will have to go through another tough time. I guess I can look back and know that I survived this big one, and there will be other big ones, I'm sure, but at least I will be able to draw on the strength I gained from this experience to help me in the future.
After everything we have been through, we are in such a good place as a family. I'm trying to not hold onto it too tightly and just enjoy it and see the beauty in my life right now. I feel like I love my husband and daughter more with each passing day, but it is scary to love this much because of how much it would hurt to lose what I have. I'm trying to find the balance between holding on and letting go, and I think it will be a life long lesson.
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Jenna,
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to see you all progressing in every respect, Fred back to work and you finding your way with these feelings. I had this same thing happen to me where I was afraid of everything for a period of time. This will pass. How I've eventually come to look at it is that I can handle anything given what I've gone through. Not that I want to have that opportunity again! Buts its nice to know we have the strength to persevere. You are doing amazing! Keep on blogging if you feel like it. This is all part of the process and I think it is helping you to heal.
Take care.
Your friend, Jody