Fred went back to work, part time, on Monday, and it feels so good to have a return to regular life. At the same time, it feels scary for me to return to normal life. I feel vulnerable and exposed with a return to normal. It feels like I open myself back up to more catastrophe. I know waking up and walking down the street everyday opens yourself up to something going wrong, but sometimes the good times scare me because I know it won't last and I will have to go through another tough time. I guess I can look back and know that I survived this big one, and there will be other big ones, I'm sure, but at least I will be able to draw on the strength I gained from this experience to help me in the future.
After everything we have been through, we are in such a good place as a family. I'm trying to not hold onto it too tightly and just enjoy it and see the beauty in my life right now. I feel like I love my husband and daughter more with each passing day, but it is scary to love this much because of how much it would hurt to lose what I have. I'm trying to find the balance between holding on and letting go, and I think it will be a life long lesson.