Safety Princess

I found this picture amusing, so I thought I would post it because it seems to define our family well right now.

Here is your safety princess!

Three Months

We are three months out from Fred's accident, and the progress is amazing. It's scary to look back to where I was sitting three months ago, and each month just keeps getting better. As soon as I knew we were out of the really scary days with Fred, I have tried to look at each day on a positive note and find the good with everything we are going through. It's easier to look back and realize you are past the hard times than to see them fade while you are going through them. I still feel strong emotional waves hit me from time to time, but they are fewer and farther between and less likely to occur at an inopportune time like while standing in line at the grocery store.

Fred goes back to work next week. He will start back part time for awhile and work back up to full time, but just going back to work and getting a normal schedule in place will be great for all of us.

The benefit party put on by the fire department, search and rescue and Fred's work was last weekend, and it was a blast. It was amazing to see how many people showed up (especially when we were all forced inside by the rain) and all of the community support. Fred gave a great speech and even played some lead guitar with the band.

Here's to moving forward, and to Fred's mom on her birthday!

To write or not

I felt like I had been blogging nonstop, save a few days here and there, since Fred's accident happened, and this weekend, I decided to take an unannounced break. It felt really good because my life also had some semblance of a new normal. Fred drove himself around to his own things, we had nice family time and I got to work in the garden and have time by myself at home. I'm still up and down and all over the map emotionally, but things like being done with going to Denver, getting a life schedule back in place and having time to myself is huge for my sanity. I also took a break from writing because I started to feel embarrassed about pouring my heart and emotions out on the blog. It felt a little overexposed, and I didn't feel like broadcasting every troubled emotion I had for a few days because all in all, we are doing wonderful. I know I still have a lot to process, but I'm not sure the blog is the appropriate place to do that. So I'm feeling self-conscious, which is completely normal for me!

Certified

As the doctor put it, Fred passed his driving test with flying colors. Hopefully we can get through the night without any food poisoning, car break-ins or last minute mishaps and get on the road in the morning for home. They haven't said anything about having to come back for any check-ups, and I think we are both too afraid to ask. Cheers to going home!

Thick Skin

Everything is so different now. Before when Fred would get frustrated, I would tell myself, it's not about me, let him work through it himself and be there if he needed me. Now I feel the mother hen side of me wanting to protect him and intervene. I think the reintegration into normal life is going to be hard, on me especially. It's so hard to find the balance of getting back to normal and taking it easy. Fred wants his life back, and generally speaking, he has it, but the taking it slowly part is very foreign to him. I vacillate between wanting him to have it back and wanting him to stay in a bubble. It's so hard to let go of control, but that is life. I have joked with Fred that if he does this again, he has to find a new wife because I can't go through this again. The reality is, I've grown from this experience a lot, and even though I don't want to go through this again, I know life continues on. Hopefully Fred won't put me through a similar experience, but I know I'm probably not done with my share of tough times because I want to have a long life, and I'll take the hard times to also have the wonderful times. Although, between my Dad committing suicide and Fred's accident I am hoping for fewer traumatic experiences in the rest of my life.

It is really hard being back here at the hospital. We are so fortunate with how well Fred is doing, but my skin is not thick enough to be here for too long. I know we have gotten through this stronger and closer, but it is so hard to see other families suffering through even more life upending traumas. I was in the elevator today with a woman whose son is here at Craig. She was a little discombobulated and very briefly told me about her son having a hard time and taking it out on her. They do warn you that the patients take it out on the ones they love the most, and I had very few moments of Fred getting upset with me through this whole ordeal, but this trip, I feel like am being hit over the head with grown kids that are in rehab getting upset with their parents. Today there was a teenage guy walking down the hallway getting mad at his dad for trying to hold on to his arm and help him keep his balance. For me, it brought up when Fred was at that stage and thought he was fine to walk on his own, and it is also heart wrenching to watch a parent try to keep a child safe when a child is trying to become an adult. It makes me realize how much I have to let go of because I have no control. I cannot guarantee that Kalyn, Fred or myself will stay safe every day, so I just have to be in the present moment with them because we have no control over the future.

Here and Well

It's a quick post tonight to let you know things are going well, Fred's driving certification is moving along fine, and we are all doing well.

This time we are staying on the fourth floor of the apartments (we were on the first floor for the first 2 months), and we have a little view of the mountains and the sunset. I appreciate being up here on the fourth floor and feel it is nicely symbolic of us getting ready to move upwards and onwards with our lives.

I feel like a lot is coming up for me being back here again. This blog is changing from Fred's recovery process to my recovery process. Anticipate a nice long, processing, emotional post from me within the next couple of days!

Driving

We're off to Denver for Fred to do his driver certification (please let him pass) and have a clinical checkup with the doctor. It's a short trip, and hopefully without too much drama.